Saturday, December 18, 2004

FDA Approves War

USE EXPECTED TO RISE
Sat Dec 18, 2004 2:24PM ET

WASHINGTON, D.C.: The FDA announced its approval of the controversial drug War today, reporting that studies have proven it safe and beneficial to its users. The

The agency ruling went against the findings of many of the drug's detractors, who claim that War has directly caused millions of unnecessary deaths around the world and has countless harmful side effects. The alleged side-effects include widespread poverty, rampant disease, serious damage to the environment, and the rapid accumulation of wealth and power by immoral, soulless, and just all-around disgusting people. They say that War should be banned from further use.

The White House, on the other hand, applauded the decision. "There is no documented proof that War causes any unnecessary deaths," said Vice President Dick Cheney. "War's benefits to successful American society, to American industry, to the economy, and to our nation's government in general have been long established."

President Bush agreed: "I'm a War president," he said.

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