Thursday, December 16, 2004

Image of Osama bin Laden found on piece of French toast

Taxi driver says toast is a terror

BRONX, N.Y.: Rivaling only Jesus, Mary, and Donald Trump in his ability to cause a media craze by doing absolutely nothing, Osama bin Laden is yet again in the news...though in a much tastier way this time.

Bronx taxi driver Mo Sm'ith, 42, says he was eating breakfast at Mo's diner (no relation) two weeks ago when he noticed the image of Osama bin Laden, the leader of the Islamist terrorist group Al Qa'ida, on one of his pieces of French toast. "I couldn't believe it," he said. "It was like he was right there on my plate looking at me, right next to the eggs." He said he immediately jumped away from his table. "I thought the toast might explode or something."

FBI officials have confirmed that the image is indeed that of Osama bin Laden.

Mr. Sm'ith said that he regrets taking the partially eaten piece of fried bread, egg, milk, and a dash of cinnamon, home with him that day.

"People ask me if I have had terrible luck since he has been in my home," he said. "I do feel I have. I lost seventy-freakin-grand on different occasions at the casino near my house." Mr. Sm'ith said he hopes to recover those losses when he puts "Osama the Toast" up for sale on the internet auction site eBay.

President Bush, when asked about this most recent bin Laden sighting this morning, said, "The war on terror is the primary function of the state, and the president, I, I am thinking about, and the state is the people. And democracy in the Middle East, the war on terror, will go on despite these terrorist toasts."

He also said, on a more ominous note, "And I don't think anybody has failed to notice the significance that bin Laden's image appeared on a piece of French toast.

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